So over last couple of months I have been faced with a tough decision of whether I should return to work. I think I knew the whole time I was stressing (oh yeah there were tears!) about it that it was out of my control and I wouldn't be going back to my much loved job this year. As I mentioned previously on my blog Tallulah and I have been at war over the dreaded bottle. She refused to take it. A battle obviously I have lost haha! In the end I just couldn't visualise how it was going to work. There was too many obstacles from who was going to look after her when my job got hectic and I needed to work more than 1 day a week to how was the person (my mama!) going to cope with a grumbling baby who refuses to drink from a bottle. Impossible.
I am a project manager and work in the fashion and events industry which means long hours, hard work and lots parties! I love it and I have always been super career focussed where my job sometimes consumes me. It was really hard for me to tell my boss and my work friends I wouldn't/couldn't be part of the team this year. It really hurt my heart.
I felt like a little bit of Renee was being put into the freezer. My career has always kind of been who I was which sounds a little strange but the fashion/arts industry is a my type of lifestyle and I am pretty passionate about it and live and breathe it. But to be fair, as I have been so focussed on Tallulah and Ross and being a little family I feel like it I wouldn't be able to switch off and be 100% there and to be honest my job requires that! How do some mama's go back after 6 weeks? I am in awe of you, you are my heroes! I always thought I would be able to do the same, to juggle both career and motherhood but jolly-gosh it would be oh-so hard.
Next year (if we are still in Perth!) is a different story. Tallulah will be 12+ months and not so dependant on me. I will no longer be her walking fridge which means she can stay at her grandmas house and I won't have to worry so much as to whether she is getting enough milk as she will be able to eat real food- yippee! I am going to try out the juggle and see if I can keep all the balls in the air. I'm sure I can do, it will just take a little bit of practise!
I am trying to be a half-glass full mama and decided my new situation gives me 12 months to focus on being the best mama to Tallulah and figuring this whole baby/mama thing out. Its quite mind boggling but I'm pretty excited about it. It means I can spend Wednesdays with my mama (her day off!) and Tallulah, crafting and gossiping. Its quite delightful. My clever mama crocheted Tallulah that most awesome owl beanie. She is teaching me how to knit. It means I can spend Tuesdays with my Mum & Bubs group who I adore. It means Tallulah gets my undivided attention which is nice. As I'm writing this it actually seems quite idyllic....!