Tuesday, August 30, 2011

no kids allowed

Source: google.com via Renee on Pinterest

Some recent events has made me wonder, when did kids become so unwelcomed in our culture? I believe even more now I have a kiddo of my own that kids should be embraced in every aspect of our society where possible. We have been invited to 3 weddings which we have been told that Tallulah was not welcomed. It kind of saddens me. I guess Ross and I are not married so we have never planned a wedding but if we were to I would have always included my friends and family's kids. Sure they may squawk, whinge or maybe cry during the nuptials or have a meltdown on the dancefloor but they surely have a place at weddings? Isn't part of being married becoming a family?

We were asked by the family who is holding one of the weddings what we were going to do with Tallulah. I told them straight out that because she is breastfed and refuses to take a bottle leaving her with my mum from 2pm-11pm is probably not going to work but we are going to have a practise run and if it doesn't work we won't be coming. I'm most worried about this wedding as its 45 minutes away from where we live. They were quick to say as a last resort we could bring Tallulah along. That made me feel more uncomfortable. I think Tallulah will be okay with my mum as she adores her but until we do our practise run I won't know for sure. It also makes me very grateful that we have family who can look after Tallulah, really if it weren't for them going to any of these weddings would not even be an option.

For those who are married did you have this rule at your wedding? Is the reason for stipulating no kids because kids are noisy?  


Anonymous said...

We didn't have kids at our wedding but that was because we gave our friends the choice to bring them or not, not because they weren't invited.
I think people ban them because they think they'll scream during the ceremony, which is less of a big deal in reality than it is in their heads.
We recently got an invite that didn't have Eve's name on it and when I checked they were fine with us bringing her, which was good as we wouldn't have gone if she couldn't come.
I think part of it is people thinking you can just leave them with a bottle and nappies and it's no big thing. People are too far removed from breastfeeding and parenting to realize it's not so simple which is sad really.
Good luck with it I know it's a sucky position to be in.

fifi said...

so stupid. so these people aren't planning to have children themselves? even when we didn't have lottie pearl my cousin wrote "no children" on his invitation and i, as well as most of the family, were disgusted! if i'd had a kid, i would have bought them on purpose. or just not gone. i'd like to say "they don't understand" but thats bullshit cause before i had a kid i was compassionate and understanding - there is no future without kids so 'those people' need to get a grip. i understand our kids aren't the centre of the universe but children are a FACT OF LIFE!

Renee said...

This is what gets me a little angry. i know once this couple (the 45 min wedding!) has kids it will be like the biggest deal on the planet and I know if say there was another family wedding where kids were not allowed and they had a kid they would make the biggest fuss EVER!

Fifi I was the same I was compassionate about this before we had a kid. The same couple had an engagement party (pre-Tallaulah) and said no kids and poor Ross' sister had to leave them home with her husband to come to the backyard party where there were kids running around. Its just not on.

I get the universe doesn't revolve around my kid but I think if you embrace things like this there would be a whole lot less stress and bad feelings!

Sammie said...

We didn't exactly invite children to our wedding, but we were happy for people to bring them.
One couple that we are very close to (the boys have known eachother for 20 odd years) came along to our destination wedding with a 9 day old! MORE THAN WELCOME!
Another couple bought their 5 month old. Again, more than welcome.
Others chose to not bring their young ones.
We would have been happy to have children of any age, just would have liked to be asked like you have done.
We wouldn't have said no to anyone.
I think you should be "allowed" to take Tallulah,
I think once these people have children they will understand. Its just unfortunate that at the moment they dont.

Leah said...

I think this 'rule' is ridiculous!! It really pisses me off!

I am married and would never have thought to say no to kids. I wanted my WHOLE family there.

It is a happy occasion, why wouldn't you want kids? They can be loud, but that's part of the joy isn't it??

Anonymous said...

Ok well I am going against the grain here...

We had a child-free wedding, with the exception of breastfeeding babies! So we had two little ones there, who were more than welcome.

If we had included all the older kids there would have been an extra 30+ little people to cater for, and our venue wasn't very child-friendly.. it was in the middle of the bush and there was a damn nearby. And TBH (hope Im not going to get torched for this!!) having kids running around everywhere would have changed the tone of the night and we wanted a more adult party.
It was a pretty wild boozy night and not really a place for the little ones.
None of our guests with kids were from interstate or OS and there was lots of notice, so I didn't think it would be big deal to organise a sitter for one night for the older kids. And I told all the nursing Mamas that their babes were welcome, without them having to ask.

We've also been invited to a wedding in Freo next month and Bay isn't invited. I have to admit, I'm quite excited about having a night off. I'm really looking forward to letting my hair down!

Here is how we've decided to work the BFing thing: My parents will drop us all in Freo and then take Bay with them while they have a wander around and a coffee. We will meet with them after the ceremony when I will breastfeed her before heading to the reception. They will take her back to their house where I will have left some of her favourite solids and some expressed breast milk for top ups while I am gone.

Bay doesn't take a bottle either, but she drinks water happily out of a sippy cup (have you tried one? apparently BF babies often prefer a cup over a bottle?)
So this month I'm going to start giving her EBM from a cup. I need her to get used to this for my upcoming return to work anyway.

If for some reason she is unsettled and distressed during the wedding then Mum will call me and I will come home.. but like Tallulah, Bay just loves her Grandparents and I feel quite confident that she will be happy in their care until midnight. Happier than she would be at a crowded noisy wedding anyway.

Although I agree that children are the future and an important part of life, I don't think it means that they should automatically be included in every single event. Not every party is suitable for children.

The Bride and Groom (or the hosts of any event) are within their rights to chose who to invite, or not invite, to their function. I think that guests need to respect that, just as the hosts need to understand parents may decline if they can't make arrangements for their kids!

I do hope that your trial run goes well and you can make it to your friends wedding!

okay well I've probably said enough now! *runs for cover*

Jess said...

When we got married I asked the people with kids if they wanted to bring them or not. It was a resounding no! I was surprised because I love kids and don't mind having them around at all (in fact we had 3 little ones in the ceremony - well we lost one but he got to wander up the stairs when he felt like it later!).
My cousin had just had a new baby though and we welcomed him with open arms. My other cousin who had a baby (not tiny) sent him home at reception time with her husband.
In a way I'm glad that parents didn't bring toddlers etc... because they got to let their hair down (our venue was pretty strict with children and needing a supervisor who wasn't drinking).

Kirby Amour said...

I'm rebel when it comes to this, then again it's very easy for me to be that way being we live in Brooklyn and babies are welcome almost everywhere including our bars and fancy restaurants most even have hidden little kids menues. Yet, it kills me when I take G to places like coffee shops and she squeals a bit loud and people glare! It kills me, first off every single person was a baby at one point squeals and all, second off coffee is something most moms need even more then the single population most of the time so I really think if people are looking for a quiet place to work rent an office or go to a library not a public place serving food! One day a lady was giving us such nasty looks because G was laughing away I loudly told G "we're gonna stay a little longer and mommy wants you to scream as loud as you possibly can". It just peeves me so much how so many people don't embrase children these days!

Renee said...

I think I need to move to New York! haha

Thanks for all the comments and opinions!

I can actually see both sides and maybe on reflection a wedding is all about what the couple wants and if they don't want kids at the wedding its their right! I think I just needed to rant! Fingers crossed T behaves for my Mum and Ross & I get to have a little fun on the dancefloor and drinking bubbly!

fifi said...

I think there is a difference choosing to not have kids at a wedding for budget reasons than saying "no kids" cause they don't want kids there. i think if babies are being breastfed choosing is not a luxury. its either we come with our kid, or we don't! i guess some people don't understand that. having said that, i would bloody loved it if LP took a bottle - but she never has and never will!

i guess it all depends on what kind of wedding too. ours was a picnic on the river so it was a bit more suitable.

but as always, and renee, in the end you are right - a wedding IS about the couples wishes.

anyway - i love discussions and debates like this. i love how every person can bring a new opinion to the table. i LOVE sharing thoughts/opinions even when the opinions are different to mine!

Renee said...

oh yeah just one more thing! I've tried EBM in a sippy cup and Tallulah is completely clued on and refuses it! She only drinks water from it...cheeky monkey! haha